Signs Page Explanation

              God is mysterious. God is difficult to see. God doesn’t just show up one day as the glowing white bearded man depicted in images and say “Hey, I am God. I exist.” Why though? Why can’t God just appear in a dream, and say “Whats up!? I am here.” If God did that, finding and maintaining faith would be so much easier. But if something is easy to obtain, it would be less valued than something that is hard to obtain. It is like the grades received from different classes. Last year I took the most time consuming, challenging, and stressful course I have ever taken. If you are a high school student or know one, you probably have heard of a little class called APUSH(AP United States History). I spent one to three hours every night studying, making flashcards, reading the book, taking notes on the book, and mentally preparing myself for the next quiz, test, or in-class essay. It was exhausting, but not in vain. I got an A. That A was awesome, and I still thank God today for giving me the abilities to achieve it. I got As in other classes as well. For example, for my fashion design class the grade was primarily determined by participation. So basically because I put an honest effort in that class, I received an  A. Let’s be realistic now, the effort I put into fashion design was nothing compared to the effort I put into APUSH. I didn’t need to in order to achieve the same result. I ended up receiving the same grade in both classes, but the grades were not at all equal in value. I find greater happiness when I think about my grade in APUSH than my grade in fashion design. That is simply because my A was not easy to achieve. My grade was not given to me as a delicately wrapped gift. The grade required hard work, doubt, and perseverance. My relationship with God was not easy to achieve. My relationship with God isn’t a delicately wrapped gift God just handed over to me. Building a relationship with God requires hard work, doubt, and perseverance (and a whole lot of other stuff). If God revealed Himself to me as glowing figure and said, “Hello. I am God. I am here. I exist. I love you”, I know I would effortlessly accept God into my daily lives without truly understanding His value. God would become like the sun. A reliable and inescapable constant aspect of life. So easy to accept its presence. So easy to acknowledge its importance. So easy to forget its value. So easy to not appreciate. So easy not to notice. My life wouldn’t be worth living, if I never noticed God.

            My faith in God has not been achieved through direct contact with Him. That would be too easy. My faith in God comes from indirect communication. I guess you could call them signs. Gods signs serve as validation of His constant presence with us and His endless support. Living life while noticing all of the different ways God is communicating with us is hard. It is easy to focus on the world and all of its demands, but it is hard to make time for God. However, when we fixate ourselves on God and notice His signs, God gives us something more valuable than anything on Earth. God allows us to see Him.

            I think God wants to make his presence known, but He wants to do so in a way that will keep us actively engaged. If God makes himself harder to see, we put in a greater effort to connect with Him. And because finding God is a difficult task, we are given a greater sense of glory when we do see Him. When I finally notice one of God’s signs that I desperately need, I feel like the Miracle Mets when they won the World Series. I feel like an underdog who has won the championship. The championship being Gods infinite grace. I have been filled with strong doubt, worry, and confusion that only God can and has repeatedly beaten. God is here. We just need to perceive his presence.

            God graciously gives me many messages that teach me lessons and validate his eternal love. God’s signs are one of the best paths to experiencing God’s message. That is why I wanted to make this page. To illustrate the signs I have received from God that have inspired my blog posts. I feel as though when people (myself included) talk about their faith, they do not typically talk about the personal and intimate ways God has shown Himself to them. I do not view this as in any way wrong! All of my religious blog posts I typically talk about what God does for me, and what his teaching mean. I have explained the what but not the how. I have not explained how I have come to believe what I believe. How something has come into existence is just as important if not more important than what actually is existing. I want to share. I want to explain how my faith has evolved to be what it is today. How has God shown Himself to me? How did I become a Christian? How can I be so sure about my faith? Simple. It’s all about God’s unquestionable signs. 

Thanks Be to God

           In honor of thanksgiving being tomorrow I thought I would post a little blog post about gratitude. Typically in elementary school they might have you write down what you are thankful for on a decorative sheet of paper. Their lists typically consist of friends, family, pets, and a few other points of interest. Yes their space is limited, but their list shouldn’t be limited to the most noticeable areas of gratitude in our lives.

            One day at church we watched a short video about experiencing life. Yes I know. Blah blah blah. I have heard it all before. While watching I arrogantly assumed he wouldn’t be saying anything different from what I have already heard or said. Oh how foolish I was. He would say something so much better. We are constantly told (even by me) that we must live in the moment to fully experience life. We are rarely ever told how. The creator of the video does enlighten us . He said to be completely connected to each moment or our lives, is to be grateful for each second. We have to look at what we are doing each moment and find the thanks we have to give.

       In the moment I am writing this post I can find many things to be thankful for. Not because I believe I have anymore than anyone. Because there are so many unnoticeable sources of gratitude we need to be motivated to look for. I am thankful for my parents who generously gave me the laptop I am writing on for Christmas last year even though I didn’t ask. I am thankful they work hard but also well-paying jobs that enable them to afford such luxuries. I am thankful for my ability to write and read. I am thankful for this countries and my cities amazing education system. I am thankful I got to experience that life changing video my church provided. I am thankful I attend such an amazing church. I am thankful for the man that made the life-changing video. I wish I remembered his name. I am thankful for my own room that I am writing in. I am thankful for its messiness. I am thankful for my own full sized bed.  I am thankful for my warm blankets surrounding me. I am thankful for the house my room is in. I am thankful that my two wonderful parents and three incredible sisters and I can live in it with extreme comfort. I am thankful that it is in a safe neighborhood and in a safe city. I am thankful for my overactive mind. I am thankful for this opportunity of peace.  To whoever is reading this I am thankful for you. If you know me, thank you for caring enough about me to read what I have to say. If I do not know you, thank you for giving me a chance. I could continue, but I think the list would probably be three pages too long. Again not because my life is of any more value than yours, but rather we all have so many hidden treasures in our lives.  
            There are so many aspects of life to be grateful for. It doesn’t matter if they are major or minor. We are blessed to have these priceless riches in our lives. We often forget to search for life’s buried treasures. I hope we remember to dig deeper. I also hope we remember God is the one who blesses the world with sources of gratitude. God has given this life to us as a gift. A gift that does not deserve to be wasted. A gift that deserves every aspect to be appreciated. A gift whose giver deserves to hear, “Thank You”. 

I Love Random Stuff

IMPORTANT NOTE: To understand the purpose of this piece you must read my previous blog post “What do You Love?” Thanks J

            I love blankets. I love sweaters. I love my bed. I love cold nights where I have to pile blankets on me to keep warm.

            I love the warmth and happiness of summer. I love the refreshing smell of fall. I love the beauty of winter. I love the atmosphere of December. I love the flowering warmth of spring.

            I love learning. I love being surrounded by people at school. I love how school isn’t boring as long as you make it interesting. I love reconnecting with old friends. I love meeting new ones. I love when teachers are enthusiastic. I love the unknown aspect of learning.

            I love history. I love learning about past people, society, economy, and nations. I love the different opinions on past and present. I love forming opinions from past events. I love the increased sense of understanding and appreciation we have for the present after we learn about its beginnings.

            I love music. I love how a love of music is something the majority of humans share. I love the variety of music there is to choose from. I love 5 Seconds of Summer. I love fangirling over them with my good friend. I love listening to their CD with my little sister in my car. I love how she guesses what member is singing. I love telling her if she is right or wrong. I love how she is usually wrong. I love jamming out to their song “18” with my littlest sister. I love the catchy and popular pop songs (until they are overplayed). I love classic rock. I love Queen. I love Billy Joel. I love Journey. I love AC/DC. I love Elton John. I love listening to the classic rock stations. I love listening to the classic rock stations on long car rides with my Dad and older sister. I love when my older sister and I try to guess who is singing the song playing at that moment. I love how my Dad always knows the artist. I love how songs are more than the lyrics and music. I love how songs can be memories.

            I love driving. I love my ten year old car named Woodrow. I love the freedom. I love the independence. I love that my parents were kind enough to get me my car. I love that my parents trust me to drive. I love that my parents pay half the price of Gas. I love my parents. I do not love the price of Gas. 

The Pleasure in Pain

             Lately, I have been struggling to understand the concept of pain. Pain is more complicated than just an unpleasant state of being. There are different types of pain. There are different emotions attached to the different types of pain. There are different ways of dealing with pain. There are different people who experience different types of pain. However, I have been relatively ignorant to the essence and complexity of suffering. Pain is a relatively unfamiliar topic to me. There have been a great deal of times where I have suffered from sadness, anger, anxiety, exhaustion, and many other forms of emotional pain. There have also been a great deal of instances where I have suffered stings, aches, soreness, bodily illness, and many other forms of physical pain. I just haven’t experienced pain with as intense severity as others have in the world. I am very grateful that God has spared me of such extreme pain. However, I hate, more than anything, that millions of people do experience intense suffering. I love and dislike my relationship with pain. I love how we are just acquaintances, but I don’t love how we are not friends. If we were friends, I wouldn’t be ignorant to pains character. If we were friends, I wouldn’t have the guilt of not being friends with pain while millions of others are. If we were friends, I would have a greater level of empathy for those who are also friends with pain.  I pray to God every night asking Him to end the pains of others and to allow the sufferers to allow God to strengthen them. Can I righteously ask this? Although I have had such little experience with the coexistence if pain, God, and faith, can I honestly just assume that their suffering can easily be subdued by faith in God. The correct is no. I can’t. I lack the basic understanding.

            Having faith in and praising God while life is going well is so blissfully easy. God has granted me glorious peace and happiness in situations where if I didn’t allow him in my heart I would still have peace and happiness. Please don’t misinterpret this as me saying I don’t need God. Every moment of my life when I feel Gods presence is infinitely greater in value than moments where I shut God out. The logic of my relationship with God would make it easy to assume that in moments of pain I would remain strong through faith and maintain a certain level of peace and happiness. Well for me personally quite the opposite happens. I have experienced incredibly intense physical pain before. I felt as though my stomach was being twisted, stretched, and burned all at the same time. This is not a common occurrence, but it has happened. I tried praying to God, but the pain was too much. It shames me to say in that moment of weakness I told God that I was ready to die if that meant my agony would end. My soul gave up trying to fight my suffering, but even worse I gave up on God. My surrender to pain validated that I wasn’t strong enough to let God strengthen me. I let God down.

            Months go by and I am training for a 5K with my mother. She got this app called “Couch to 5K”, and it is meant for non-athletic people to build up the endurance to run a 5K. Each workout gets harder as we slowly begin to walk less and run more. When we first started it was relatively easy, but as weeks went on it increasingly became harder to complete. I again was experiencing moments of great suffering. I tried to pray, but I found it easier to be consumed by my discomfort. It was like my pain was demanding to be felt.** I could only remain focused on my burning lungs and how every breath only fueled its fire. I couldn’t stop thinking about how my heart was beating so fast as if on the verge of explosion. My mind couldn’t begin to understand how can and how has anybody survived this kind of exhaustion. After you run, the body’s and mind’s sense of accomplishment motivates you to run another time. This is how many runners find the strength to run frequently, but I was not okay with just running for the feeling afterwards. I realized how I dealt with hurt during my runs and in general needed to change. If I want a strong and durable relationship with God, I must learn how to allow him to help me deal with pain.

            I listen to music when I run, but instead of interpreting the lyrics literally I manipulate the meanings to reflect my relationship with God. For example, the song “I’ll Be There” by Jackson Five played, and I imagined it was God singing the lyrics directly to me. God helped me this way by giving me the tools to help myself while simultaneously remaining attached to him. Each time I ran, each time I suffered, the pain consumed me less until my praise and communication to God consumed me more. While each run became more physically demanding, my spirt was lifted and distanced from the hurt by God. Each run I tried to run faster than the last, and paradoxically I suffered a little less with each run. However, listening to music while running seemed like an accessory I couldn’t afford if I wanted to genuinely receive Gods help. On the day of the actual 5K I knew I had and could run without any musical assistance. It was just me and God. I completed it to the best of my physical ability and also with a happy heart. Pain didn’t defeat me. God protected my spirt.

            Completing the 5K was not the greatest accomplishment achieved through my training process. I learned something extraordinary. Something I never thought was possible, but was the answer to my question-“How do we deal with pain?” God has answered this question, in my favorite way… A PARADOX. Thanks to Gods endless grace, I know now there is pleasure to be found in pain.

            Running has become an amazing spiritual activity for me. I have become closer to pain and effectively closer to God. Moments of pain were once the moments when I was most separated from God because I felt as though He wasn’t there. Now moments of pain have evolved to become the moments where I am closet to God because I have never been more aware of His presence. I hear God in the lyrics to songs. I feel God in my rapidly beating heart. I taste God in my dry mouth. I smell God in the crisp refreshing autumn air. I see God running alongside me and cheering me on. That strong and beautiful connection to God is the pleasure I find in pain. Faith in God exceeds experiencing only the easy and peaceful times. Having a relationship with God involves all the painful and hard situations God can change into pleasant moments. After my last run before the 5K, I did something I have never done so seriously before. I actually fell to my knees to pray. I thanked God for increasing my understanding of pain. I thanked God for the strength He has given me. I thanked God for the stronger sense of empathy for those who suffer He has blessed me with. I thanked God for giving me hope that people who are experiencing pain can reach out to Him and gain pleasure from the pain. I feel so enlightened now that I have gone through this process of confronting pain directly and coming out victorious because of God. There are personal flaws in this lesson. I know that pain shouldn’t be a goal, and I shouldn’t intentionally make myself suffer. I also know that there is so much more complexity to pain that I have yet to encounter. However, I have found a source of attainable hope. When I look at the world and see the inevitable and excruciating suffering of my neighbors, I can confidently and happily say that God can graciously give the sufferers "the strength to face all conditions" Philippians 4:13. We just have to spread Gods love.

**Credit for this idea goes to John Green (an awesome human being). It is featured in his book The Fault in Our Stars

I Love My Dad

           I love my Dad. I love all the hard work he does for me and my family. I love how much he has sacrificed for us. I love that he is a good model of what a father should be. I love how my Dad works a stressful job to support us. I love how he never brings that stress home. I love that he always puts his family before his work. I love how he takes my little sister to doctor’s appointments. I love the amount of time and effort he gives to coaching my other little sister’s softball team. I love his effort to stay connected with his family in Pennsylvania. I love how he is almost always in a good mood. I love his attempts to be funny. I love when he actually says something funny. I love how much he loves my Mom. I love when he gets her flowers. I love when he makes sure his daughters are doing enough for her on mother’s day and her birthday. I love how my Dad finds ways of connecting with each of his daughters. I love how he has read my littlest sister every single Harry Potter book even though she can read perfectly fine. I love how he acts like a ten year old boy when he plays Clash of Clans with my other little sister. I love the personality traits my Dad and my older sister share. I love watching TV shows with my Dad. I love how he has introduced me to most of them. I love watching superhero movies with him. I love his constant support. I love that he knows he can trust me. I love how I couldn’t have asked for a better Dad. I love how God choose him to be my Dad. I love how God choose me to be my Dad’s daughter. I love how it’s my Dads birthday today. I love how it is the perfect day to post this post. I love how today I can say, “Happy Birthday Dad! I love you.”   

I Love God

            I love God. I love everything God does. I love knowing I can trust God. I love how God puts different and wonderful situations in my life for a reason. I love discovering signs from God. I love that God cares enough about me to strengthen our bond. I love how when I wonder away from God, God comes and finds me. I love how when I am the lost sheep, God is the shepherd. I love God’s consistent forgiveness. I love God’s mercy. I love how God welcomes all. I love the peace I find with God. I love praying to God every night. I love how my prayers are like conversations with God. I love God’s Son. I love Jesus. I love how Jesus saved me from my sin. I love how Jesus was willing to suffer so greatly because he loves us. I love how Jesus teaches me how to be a better person. I love the happiness God gives me. I love the places God gives me. I love the things God provides for me. I love the life God has given me. I love how I can elaborately elaborate on each of the things I love about God. I love how much he cares about me. I love how much I care about God. I love that God is always there. I love how everything I love is a gift from God. I love God with all my heart. 

"What do You Love?"

(Before Writing)  

            Last Week I found myself sad. I wasn’t exactly sure why, but there were so many negative thoughts surrounding me. I was tired of being upset for unjustifiable reasons. My recurring worries and issues were becoming too much for me to hold. So I turned to God and asked what do I do? My mind instinctively went to writing. I have had this one blog post idea for a while where I would write about how a terrible historical event could have been prevented, through faith and peace with God (I will write about it eventually). However, negative and angry thoughts would be the basis of that post, which would be counterproductive to the problem at hand. So I was stuck. “God, what do I do?” Well he answered my question. The best way to defeat negativity is to battle it with positivity. Many of my blog posts have been… I don’t know… not super positive and joyful. Do I regret writing them? Absolutely not. It is just time for a change. Asking God questions during difficult times is an action most religious people do, and I do not escape this generalization. “God, what do I do?” God answered my desperate call for help. However, he didn’t answer it the traditional way. He didn’t give me a statement, order, or suggestion that would clarify my confusion. He answered me with another question. “What do you love?”

**Here is where I would have put my list of everything I love. I started every sentence with, “I love…” For example, “I love God.” I would then elaborate on what exactly it is I love about God. I also wrote about nature, objects, experiences, and people I love. 

(After Writing) 

            Wow. Just Wow. I only generalized what I love, and I wrote more than I ever could imagine. We are talking around 3,000 words. God has taught me an immense amount from this love filled writing process. I originally thought I could put everything I wrote in one blog post. I understand now that it is simply too long. So I am going to break up what I have written in to smaller sections, and I will post each section at different periods of time. Okay moving on. Have you ever been told to “count your blessings”? I sure have… plenty of times! Whenever I heard the suggestion I would think, “Yeah that is a good idea. Okay thank you God for everything you have blessed me with.” I made an ignorant and unemotional statement of gratitude, and consequently I did not really understand the extent of my appreciation. Actually counting my blessings has healed my blindness to the variety of love I have to be grateful for. I now feel happier and more content with my life.  There is so much to cherish in the world, and I thank God that I can clearly see the beauty of my existence. I have also learned how exactly what we love impacts our lives. Does it shape who we are? Well what we love definitely influences who we are, however, what we hate does to. What aggravates us. What we want to change. What makes us sad. They are all ingredients in the recipe for “Who We Are”.  For instance, I wrote, “I love that I live in a place where I can eat food for pleasure.” I did not say, “I hate that there is hunger in this world.” Both sides of the story influence who I am. So what does only love do for us? What does love do that is uniquely loves? After writing what I love, I began to imagine my life without my blessings. Imagine my life without my sources of happiness, without my friends, without my hobbies, without my family, and without my faith in God. I would live a life full of anger, disappointment, mental instability, and misery. It would be full of nothing I value. Nothing of worth. What we love makes our lives valuable. Our blessings make our lives worth living. When we look at the world and see the injustices we hate, the wrong we want to make right, and the hurt we want to heal, we can look back towards our blessing and say, “Hey this life isn’t so bad.” Writing what I love has truly been too great a gift from God not to share. I HIGHLY suggest taking the time to write about everything you love. I know that I have many blessings, but I know everyone else does too. Take the time to focus on the positive side of life. The side that makes life worth living.