Motivation

**NOTE: I apologize if this may be a little confusing and informal... it is written like a reflection I would write in my own personal journal. Also there might be some grammatical mistakes because I didn't edit it carefully. But then again do you ever go back and edit your journals?

Lately I have been having trouble motivating myself to do anything other than explore various forms of social media and watch YouTube videos. The typical teenager. Obsessed with the magical and wonderful internet. These tasks aren't inherently bad, but when done in excess they become destructive. Because of my stereotypical actions I loose time to complete spiritual actions. I love to write, read, help people, and learn.  I really do, but I can't motivate myself to do these rewarding tasks.(As you can probably infer from my lack of blog posts) I want to focus on one field of productivity that pertains to this particular context. Writing. After every time I write I get this feeling of completeness. I feel as though my purpose in life is being fulfilled. I am always so excited to write again, but I have a hard time motivating myself to. I spend so much more time on activities that aren't furthering my relationship with God. What I don't understand is why? Why is it so hard for me to get off my butt and do something. There are many flaws in my character, but my most self-destructive one is my laziness. I don't really want to call it laziness, because it is a little different. Well not by much. I have always been satisfied with completing simple tasks. Ever since I was a child. I enjoyed watching wayyyy too much TV. Playing super fun video games on the computer. I occasionally liked to read. But I wasn't a total couch potato! I loved to play outside, ride bikes, and swim. I never got involved with many organized activities. Sports weren't my thing. I didn't have interest in doing many activities after school or outside of school. This was a big problem in middle school. The only activity outside of school that I occasionally partook in was church. Presently, I am not this extreme couch potato that my middle school self once was. And the reason for that is God. In freshman year of high school, I didn't do many outside activities. Just softball in the spring and I hated every minute of it. Then everything changed when God came into my life. At the end of Freshman year was when I really started to know God. And every moment from then has just kept getting better and better, because God keeps pushing me to become better and better. Sophomore year I became actively involved in a community service club called Project Lead, became more involved in church, studied more, read more, wrote more, improved more, and I even got a job at my church! Now I am in my Junior year and am pretty busy. I am in many different clubs, much more involved at my church (I am now a Deacon), babysitting a lot more, writing more, reading a little more, giving more, and blah blah. I am not saying all this because I think I am a great person who has improved greatly. I am saying this to show how God's great grace has improved me as a person in ways I never could. I couldn't have done it without him.

Woww. If you think this post has no coherence  or direction you are right. When I started writing this, I thought it was going to be like something you write in your journal. I just started writing. I didn't know my purpose. I didn't really know what I was going to say until I started writing about my day. (Yes a rhyme!) Writing (especially in my journals) helps connect me to revelations God wants me to know. Well I just started writing and complaining about my laziness and in the end God helped me realize a great revelation. Even though I still complete unfulfilled tasks, I have come such a long way and it is all thanks to God.